The Woman You Want Is Not Me (A Richonne Story from The Walking Dead)
by Richonnette
Summary: Rick has returned to Alexandria by the skin of his teeth "OPEN THE GATE!" In the wake of almost having lost his life, who does he turn to?


"OPEN THE GATE!"

The shrieking voice could be heard reverberating throughout the ironclad walls of Alexandria.

"OPEN! THE GATE!"

With a tilt of her head Michonne heard and knew who it was. Rick. And it sounded like he needed help. She had just delivered the bitter news to Maggie that Glenn had not made it back with them, but had to cut the conversation short.

She bolted towards the gate. She was moving so fast her body was ahead of her feet and she almost tripped trying to regain balance while still making head way. As she got closer to the entrance, she could see him through the bars. There was terror in his eyes. Their fearless leader was… afraid. His look alone was enough to stop her in her tracks. She felt sick to her stomach at the sight of him. The horror in his eyes birthed in her an ominous anguish deep in her gut.

The momentum of her running slammed her body against the metal gates and with all the strength her body could muster she yanked the gate clamp open and cleared a pathway for Rick to run through. He passed through barely getting by the swiping arms of a fumbling walker. He collapsed on his face and bellowed out a deep, gutteral cry. Michonne closed the gate behind him and stood over him astonished. She looked down on him and saw that he was wailing out of fear, exhaustion, the realization that he almost lost his life and had almost left his children behind in this world.

She had never seen him so… exposed.

She knelt down and helped him to his feet.

"Are you hurt, Rick?! Are you hurt!?"

He molded his lips into shape after shape but the words never came forward.

"Were you bitten!? Nod for yes! Shake your head for no!"

Through his lethargy he was able to shake his head no, to which Michonne threw her head back while letting out a sigh of relief, "Oh, thank God, Rick! Thank God!"

He stumbled once again to the floor as Michonne buckled under his dead weight.

"Get over here and help us!" Michonne yelled to the Alexandrian onlookers. One of the men rushed over to Michonne's opposite and lifted Rick up by the arm while hooking a supporting hand around his waist. Together they carried him to the home Michonne, Rick and Carl were staying in and laid him across the bed.

"Everyone clear out! Give him some space!" Michonne commanded and with that the room emptied. A few moments later a frantic pitter-patter could be heard escalating the stairs headed straight for the room. Carl had gotten wind of his father's perilous return and had come to see for himself.

"Dad!? Dad!" Carl lunged over to him shaking him vigorously trying to rouse him from his sleep.

"Carl, no, stop!" Michonne intervened pulling Carl back from his father.

"Get off me! Is he dead!? Is my Dad dead?" Before Michonne could answer he slumped to the floor and burst into tears whimpering, "Oh, no…."

"Carl, no, your Dad is not dead!" Michonne confirmed, "He's not dead. He's hurt, yes, but not dead. He was chased to the gates by the heard of walkers we were trying to funnel away from the community. He got jammed up and had to make a run for it."

She got down next to him and placed a consoling arm around his shoulder while pressing his head and against hers. "Who knows how far he had to run, but he made it through." Now looking into his eyes she said, "What he's gotta do now is rest. We need him strong."

With melancholy in his eyes, Carl nodded his head in agreement and made his way for the door. He paused and looked back at his Dad before closing the door behind him. Michonne turned to assess Rick once again. She grasped the fabric of his tattered button up shirt and lifted it to exposing his flesh. She examined him carefully, placing a hand under his thigh slightly lifting him up off the bed to figure out if this blood on his slacks was his own. Luckily, his skin was bruised but all was in tact.

 _Ok, no bites, no scratches. Good, good…_

She took a few steps back towards the foot of the bed and took off his boots and then his socks. The tugging pressure on his feet caused him to choke up a groan but he quickly faded back into unconsciousness.

"Ok, this can wait. Let me just pull a sheet over you. Rest." Michonne said to a blacked out Rick.

Suddenly, without notice, the door flung open.

"RICK!"

The shrill jarred him into awareness and he frantically sat up trying to stand until his body gave out under his weight.

"Jessie!" he said extending an arm to her as he fell backward on to the bed.

Jessie nearly knocked Michonne over as she rushed to Rick's side to slowly anchor him down on to the mattress.

"Oh my God, Rick! I just heard… heard all of what happened. I'm so glad you're ok!" she sputtered amidst tears and choking as she pressed her forehead to his. He groaned aloud at the contact of their skin; A soreness likely from some trauma to the head sustained in his death race back to Alexandria.

"He's badly wounded, he'll need some space," interjected Michonne. Jessie looked back at her but didn't move and fixed her eyes back on Rick. He looked at Jessie giving her a slight nod of the head to which she finally submitted and backed away from the edge of the bed. She stood to her feet and faced Michonne. "I'm going to run to my place and pick up a few things and Ill be back to look after him, " she said.

"Jessie, right now where you need to be is at home… with your children. They need you right now. So much has happened; First their Dad, the community's invasion, now this. Go home. Be with your sons." Michonne left no room for rebuttal in her words and the resonance in her voice let Jessie know now was not the time. With her eyes burning into Michonne's, she slipped past her without a word. Moments later Michonne heard the front door slam and Michonne knew Jessie had gone.

The next morning all was quiet until Michonne was jolted into awareness by a loud cry. It was Rick. He had awakened in frenzy and had no idea where he was. Michonne had spent the whole night by his, sleeping propped up in a chair.

"Rick! You're ok! You're ok!" she said with widened eyes as she restrained his flailing arms. He had a tight grip on her arms and though he was seeing her, he hadn't yet recognized who she was. A few seconds passed, his fingers relaxed, as did his eyes as he realized it was just Michonne.

"Where's Carl? Is he alright? Judith!" Rick asked, a bit more calmly than he had before.

"Rick, they're fine. Carl was here just last night but he left to let you rest. Judith is with him now."

"And Jessie?" he asked Michonne searching her face for a response.

Michonne paused because she was confused. _Why do you want to know about her?_ she thought to herself, but alas she answered his question.

"She's fine too."

He eased back into a slouch, before taking a look at himself and releasing a loud huff. "I didn't know if I was gonna make it back, Michonne. Never been so scared in my life. …my children… Jes.." He stopped short of finishing his statement before he motioned for a hand from Michonne. "Would you help me get to the shower? I gotta rinse this walker filth of me." She obliged and helped him hobble to the bathroom.

It did not make sense. Jessie being so over the top last night, and now Rick asking for her this morning. None of it made sense to Michonne but whatever was going on, she was resolved to stand by Rick. They were a family, so no matter what, she was with him.

A couple hours had passed and Rick finally emerged from the shower, clean, dressed, and looking considerably better than he did the day before. He saw Michonne and took a couple steps toward her, "Michonne… I don't know if I ever thanked you. For… really everything you've done for me."

"Rick you already know you don't have to," she said with a side smirk on her face.

He chuckled a bit, "No, really, you don't know how happy I was to see you at that gate." He nodded his head as though agreeing with how own words, "You saved my life again, Michonne, and I'm grateful."

She pulled him in for sturdy embrace, "I'm just glad you're back and that you're ok."

Rick took a few steps back and made his way towards the front door, "You headed out already? You just got on your feet…" Michonne inquired.

"Oh, I'm not going very far… Just up the road, a couple houses. I'll be back." Before she could respond he was out the door.

Something didn't feel right and Michonne always trusted her intuition. She followed Rick to find out what exactly was going on. She hung back a couple yards to go undetected and that's when she saw him stop in front of Jessie's home. He stalled down at the mailbox as if contemplating if he should advance. He was interrupted when Jessie poked her head out from behind the garage, "Hey, Rick! You're up!" He walked over to the garage and in slow, playful drawl, "I guess I am."

They chatted for a bit and seemed to be discussing something serious. Whatever the matter, it was enough for Rick to extend a comforting hand to her shoulder. His hand lingered there until it began to slip down her back, and then around her waist. Michonne gasped. They must have heard her because for a moment they stopped talking and stood still but eventually carried on. Michonne was completely taken aback by Rick's affectionate gestures. He was always so guarded, even with his children. What possessed him to be so open with her? Their group had joined the Alexandrians for what, all of 2 weeks?

And then it happened.

He pulled Jessie to himself eagerly and kissed on her mouth. Her hands found their way behind his neck and they stood there in embrace sharing a tender kiss and Michonne could hardly believe her eyes. She couldn't do anything. So as quietly as she had come, she went. Still pondering, on her walk back home, what she had just seen.

Michonne was dazed. What was this feeling? It was a pile up of shock, on top of horror, betrayal, and suspicion, resentment, contempt, anger, sadness, and ultimately disappointment. What _was_ all this? Rick was her family. She loved him unconditionally. There was nothing her could do to change that. But then why did she feel so hollow inside after watching him share a kiss with Jessie? It was too much for her work through right now; Alexandria had sustained too much damage and the people were immobilized with fear. There was no time. She brushed aside the task of decrypting her feelings for another day.

The front door swung ajar and it was Rick. For someone who had endured quite the beating the day before he was so giddy he almost skipped through the door. With a smile on his face he said, "Hello, again, Michonne.."

She looked up at him with repugnance, "Well someone's in a good mood. Where have _you_ been…" She asked knowing full well the answer to her own question. A part of her wanted to know if he would respond honestly. After all, their whole relationship was built on trust. If he could be truthful with her about this there was nothing left between them.

"I just checked in on a few houses for Walkers... you know, make sure we're all clear. Stopped by Jessie's too, to check in on her and her boys…", Rick replied.

He had told the truth, even if he did try burying it in unnecessary detail.

"Speaking of Jessie, I've been meaning to tell you something," He said.

There was that feeling again! Michonne knew what Rick was about to tell her and she didn't know if she was ready to hear him actually say it.

"Rick, can it wait? I was just on my way out the door…" she said.

"Yeah, sure, we can talk later. What are you up to? Something I can help with?"

She scoffed, "No. I need to work on this on my own." She dismissed, but before leaving said, "I'm just glad you're feeling better."

And with that she made her way out the door, only to run into Jessie who was making her way in. Jessie was carrying a small overnight bag in her hand. Michonne said nothing but watched her as she mounted the porch to their home and Rick appeared in the door.

"Michonne, that's what I was going to tell you, Jessie is gonna be spending a couple days here in the spare room… just to help me out while I recover."

Michonne quipped back, "Well you look like you're doing just fine. You shouldn't bother Jessie with keeping after you when you're doing so well already."

Jessie chimed in, "Oh, no, I really don't mind. I just want to be of help in any way I can. Really, Michonne, its no problem. Besides I can relieve you of your _Rick Watch_ and take over from here…"

That last comment stung and Jessie didn't say it for nothing. Jessie wanted Rick and while there wasn't anything obvious going on between Rick and Michonne, whatever it was, she saw Michonne as an obstacle to getting what she wanted. Jessie had made her move.

Things had grown incredibly uncomfortable and crowded in their shared home. A couple days had turned into week ever since Jessie was spending the night to "help out." Michonne still didn't know why she disliked Jessie so much… she just knew that she couldn't stay here, not like this, not for any longer. Daryl had claimed a house that he was currently living in by himself and earlier that day she reached out to him asking if he'd be alright with her moving in. Of course, Daryl obliged. He didn't care too much for fancy things and the house was too big for him. He welcomed the company with open arms.

Rick and Jessie were staying up all hours of the night laughing and doing God knows what else all night long. They were seemingly parading this _thing_ right in front of her face. Michonne just got up and started packing her stuff and over the next hour, moved all of her things to Daryl's house. He came back with her to grab the last few items she had left.

"What's all that going on upstairs? Is that Rick?" Daryl asked.

"Yeah, he and Jessie have been making all kinds of noise for the past week .. just laughing and carrying on. They're so loud."

"Well, no wonder you were looking for a new place. Gah-Lee!" He responded.

"The last box is just up there. Would you give me a hand?" Michonne asked.

Daryl Made his way up the stairs with Michonne behind him, just as Rick stumbled out his room hysterically laughing.

"Daryl?! What are _you_ doing here? It's almost midnight." Rick asked.

"I'm just helping Michonne lift some boxes." He said.

"Lift boxes? What boxes?" Rick inquired now looking directly at Michonne.

She took a moment before responding.

"I decided to move in to Daryl's house. He's got one all to himself and we're almost to capacity in here so …" Michonne trailed off without finishing.

Rick paused for several moments and the tension in the room thickened. Daryl wasn't quite sure what was going on but he knew he didn't want to be here for whatever storm was sure to come.

"Daryl, would mind giving us a minute?" Rick asked.

"Everything ok in here?" Jessie emerged from the room.

"Yeah, everything is ok. I just need to talk to Michonne. Would you mind joining Daryl down stairs?"

"Um, of course, yeah…" Jessie made her way down the stairs but not before turning back and adding, "Rick, if you need me… just holler."

Jessie looked at Michonne before taking her final steps down the staircase.

"What's all this moving out business? Were you even gonna tell me? Or was I just gonna wake up tomorrow with you gone?" Rick demanded.

"I didn't think it was something I needed to tell you. It's not a big deal, Rick. There's just more space at Daryl's place." She replied.

"More space. More space? Is this about Jessie being here? She's just here for a couple days, Michonne. Helping me out…"

"It's been a week Rick!"

"So this is about, Jessie. If you had a problem why didn't you just say so?"

"Who am I to come between you and your new woman?"

"New woman? I think you got this thing confused. She's not…"

"I saw you kiss her," Michonne said, "I saw you kissing her."

Rick didn't know what to say. There was obviously no denying it now.

"I think its time I give you both the space you need right now. So, I'm moving out, Rick."

"Now wait just a minute. We can work this out!" he said.

All Michonne could do was shake her head. She grabbed the last box and climbed down the stairs. She was on the porch now and Jessie called out to her, "So Daryl tells me you're moving in."

"It seems that way…" Michonne replied.

"Well, it was nice having you around." Jessie said with a hint of pleasure in her eyes and victory on her face.

The days continued to pass and ever since Michonne had gone, things just weren't the same. Carl had stopped talking to his Dad because deep down he blamed him for Michonne leaving them. Rick barely ever saw Judith anymore, because Carl was always taking her with him to Michonne's new house. Things were propelling out of control and Rick had to admit he missed seeing her face everyday. They had seen each other at meal times, and often had to patrol together but it wasn't like it used to be. Rick wondered if letting Jessie in to the house was a mistake. After all, look at what it had cost him.

Not to mention, Rick had started noticing that Daryl and Michonne were spending much more time together. He envied what was obviously a deepening friendship between them and he was beside himself anytime he saw them talking and laughing together. They had even taken to walking along the walls together late at night.

Rick was right. The relationship between Daryl and Michonne was growing. Often times when they were walking together during those late nights Daryl was asking Michonne about what had really made her move…

"I know you been told me it was just crowded in there, but Michonne, that aint really why you left." Daryl said.

"Oh, it's not?" She chuckled, "Then why did I leave?"

"Because he broke your heart."

Michonne stopped walking, while Daryl just carried on at his pace like nothing had happened.

"What did you say?" she demanded.

"You heard me… Now don't get all cross with me. Come on back up here with me. Let's keep walking.." he said.

She remained quiet for a long time and planned on not saying anything but Daryl had other plans.

"Michonne, it aint nothin' to be ashamed of. You fell for the guy. Who could blame you? He's Rick! But I also know, him messing around with Jessie hurt you. Hurt you so much you couldn't stand bein' in that house anymore."

Michonne finally began to understand that Daryl was right. He was right about everything.

"Well if you knew that all along why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I knew you wasn't ready, and at that time, you didn't need me telling you that. You needed someone you could turn to …"

Michonne was still grappling with the realization, that deep down, she always knew, but just had not acknowledged.

"Thank you, Daryl. Thank you for being there for me."

"We're family, Michonne." Daryl replied.

She paused for a bit before a smile grew across her face. She chuckled a bit, and then linked her arm with Daryl's for the rest of their walk.

They had come up to the porch of their house when Michonne stopped and broke the silence, "You know Daryl, there's a lot more to you than you let on."

He snickered, "… guess there's hope for me yet…" he replied.

"I'm being serious." She leaned in and put her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest.

"You have a kind heart." Michonne said.

Daryl hesitantly reciprocated her hug placing his arms around her. He _was_ kind at heart but he always had trouble knowing how to give and receive affection. It was not something that came natural to him but he felt the sincerity in her words so he tried his best to return the tenderness. Although neither of them knew it, they had an admirer. Not too far across the way, sitting on the porch, intently watching their delicate embrace, Rick was stunned.

" _Is that Michonne? Michonne with Daryl?"_ He thought to himself.

He could not believe what his eyes were seeing. In fact he refused to believe it, but there was no denying it. There was no one quite like Michonne, and he could make out her figure even from a distance. He knew it was she, and he knew it was Daryl. Rick was overcome with panic. What had he done?

He had replaced his most intimate relationship for the temporary comfort of another. He had traded her in. Was she trading him in too? For Daryl? The dread within Rick was still rising as he began to come to terms with all that had happened and how he might not ever be able to make it right. He abruptly stood to his feet and resolved to get her back; back in this house, back with him… where she belonged. But before he could put one foot in front of the other he saw it…

Michonne had lifted her head from Daryl's chest and now they were looking into each other's eyes while still in warm embrace. Neither of them said a word. He slowly raised his hand and gently stroked her cheek, back and forth. Soon both hands cupped her face and as if in slow motion, Rick watched on as he thought he saw their lips join.

Daryl had pulled Michonne's face close to his and rested his cheek to hers before pulling her into a tighter embrace. They had not kissed, but only held each other closer. But Rick was none the wiser. Michonne was still so hurt from the way things ended with Rick that Daryl's loving arms were something she gratefully accepted. She would not allow herself to become undone, but a few tears did manage to escape her eyes and run down her face. She was strong. But even she still had her vulnerabilities. She had come to love Rick and his children as her own and could not get over how he had so easily cast her aside for this unfamiliar woman.

Rick felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. He could not breathe. Pain filled his innards like a balloon attached to a hose. He was drowning in hurt, shock, but ultimately sadness and anger in equal parts. He knew that deep down he had no one to blame but himself. But right now, in this moment, he needed someone to blame, someone to spew all these feelings at; someone to take it out on. That's when Jessie came to the door,

"You doing alright out here?"

Rick wasn't expecting to see her, not now, not while he was like this.

"Jessie, I think it's time you go back home."

Shocked, she stood paralyzed, speechless and until she could speak.

"What? Why? What's wrong? … Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, Jessie. You didn't do anything wrong. I just messed up. I don't really know what _this_ is…"

He gestured with his hand back and forth between himself and her.

"I really don't know what I was thinking. For Christ's sake, I killed your husband not more than 10 days ago! I don't know what I was thinking…"

"Rick, please, we can figure this out, we ca…"

"Jessie, go home," and with finality he stood to his feet, "I'll help you pack your things."

At a loss for words, and tears welling in her eyes, she turned away from him and could see in the far distance two figures. She couldn't really make out who it was, but then she realized…

"Michonne? Is that what all this is about? Michonne!"

"Jessie, this has nothing to do with her. I made a mistake and I'm sorry for dragging you into it. Please, don't make this any harder than it is…" Rick, pleaded.

She was moseying along the gate perimeter by herself. After priming himself, Rick started towards her. His gait was strong and confident, but only on the outside. He balled his fist to hide their shaking, and gritted his teeth to conceal quivering lips.

"Michonne…" Rick called aloud, "Can I talk to you?"

Michonne now saw Rick approaching. She didn't speak but offered an affirming nod of the head. She stopped and awaited his arrival.

"What's going on, Rick?" she inquired eager to know what he had come to say.

"Not too much… I just feel like I haven't seen you around much…" he said bashfully.

Michonne giggled a little under he breath.

"Rick, I've seen you at every meal, everyday… I've run into you at least twice now in the armory. We're practically roommates."

"But that's just it, Michonne, we're not anymore." He dipped his head down, and looked at his feet before returning his gaze to her.

"I want you back. I mean, I want you to _come_ back and live with me… Carl, and Judith too. We miss you."

"I was just with Judith and Carl an hour ago. I see them just as often as I did before. Daryl and I had them over for dinner 2 days ago…"

The mention of Daryl's name caused Rick to wince, and it hadn't gone unseen by Michonne.

"That's not the point, Michonne!" Rick was shouting a little now, to which Michonne responded, "You wanna rethink your tone?"

Rick conceded, "You're right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout." He took a moment to gather himself before continuing, "it's just, it not about if you see the kids, or if they come over for dinner… things just aren't the same and I just want them to go back to the way they were…"

Michonne was done playing dumb and dancing around the issue with Rick. She wanted this settled for once and for all.

"Rick, you chose Jessie. She was your choice. You wanted a woman to play your damsel in distress so you could swoop in and feel like a hero."

Rick was blown away. It was as if she had knocked him off his feet, only, he was still standing.

"The woman you want… the kind of woman you seem to _need_ …is not me, Rick. Before I found this group I was on my own and I had to fight every minute I was out there to stay alive! I didn't have the luxury of a knight in shining armor… Ihad to be my _own_ knight in shining armor!"

Rick still could say nothing. Her words came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks he didn't know if he could take much more. Right now the truth was too much to bear.

She continued, "I won't abandon the kids… they need someone. But what you're asking me to be for you… I cannot do." With that she turned and walked away.

In desperation he yelled out, "She's gone, Michonne!"

Those words stopped her in her tracks.

He continued, "I told her to go. Jessie's gone," he said.

"You really don't understand. Do you, Rick?" Michonne said.

Now he was just confused.

She continued, "This isn't about her. It never was. I thought we were a team, a family. I thought as long as we were both living we could always count on each other. You set your eyes on someone and threw me away like I was a piece of trash. That's what this is about. Jessie or no Jessie… can I even trust you? How do I know if I can count on you the next time a pretty face comes along?"

Rick was on the verge of losing it, but he fought back his pain because this could really be the end and he needed his wits about him.

"Michonne, all I can say is, whatever you decide… for me, there won't be a next time. I wasn't thinking clearly. I got my mind fixed on her and I didn't think about anything or anyone else... and when you left, nothing was the same. Not the kids… not me. All this time I knew I loved you as my closest friend, but it wasn't until I didn't have you anymore that I understood that I love you…. That I'm _in love_ with you, Michonne…"

"Rick, I…" she couldn't find the words.

"The way things are in this world right now, every waking moment could be your last. I don't know how much time I have left… but I do know that whatever time I do have, I want to use it making sure you know, that I love you and that you are it for me. If you can't be with me, I'll understand. We can work through it… I will work through…"

Before he could finish his statement Michonne thrust herself into his arms. All that they had been through, the disappointment of Terminus, the attack of the Governor, the lonely nights… all of it went into their tearful joining at the mouth. It was a kiss that had been shared a thousand times between their eyes before it finally happened with their lips.*

The stubble from his once clean-shaven face scratched across her smooth, creamy black skin. The dull pain only served to convince her this was real. It was really happening. That realization brought an audible cry forth and out of mouth breaking their kiss. Rick quickly recovered, restoring the contact between their lips. She was overcome with emotion and the only thing she could think about was how much she had come to love this man.

He held on to her as if he were never going to see her again. His embrace was so tight she could scarcely catch her breath until he released one hand to hold her face. He took her hand to his mouth kissing the inside of her palm quickly returning hos mouth to her lips.

"Michonne, let's go."

"Go, where, Rick?"

"..go home. I've wasted too much time as it is, and I don't want to waste anymore. Would you let me show you just how much I love you?"

Rick extended a leading hand in her direction. She looked at him and then down to his hand, knowing what would come to pass should she follow his lead back to their home and into the bedroom.

She took his hand and said, "Yes. I'll let you show me…"

* Anonymous author


End file.
